I saw you. Yeah, you. Driving your Honda Insight with the “Got Jesus?” bumper sticker placed above the license plate, ever so carefully centered. Expressing your love for your omnipresent, yet always just out of sight God. In your rear window is the obvious sign of a “holy man,” your sacred fish symbol.
Guess what else I noticed? Even though Jesus taught that you should obey the laws of man, there you go, a good 15-20 MPH over the speed limit. Even though it is quite dry and brown in this part of the country, I find myself swerving to the right ever so slightly to avoid the smoldering cigarette you have so carelessly tossed out your window while fumbling with your cell phone.
We’re coming up to a set of lights now. A gentleman approaches your vehicle, obviously homeless and in dire need. Tonight is the night of the Last Supper. You know, where Jesus washes the feet of his disciples in an effort to show what it means to be humble and to teach them the lesson of servitude. While he may have taught compassion and encouraged his followers to “give all you have to the poor,” you don’t hesitate to roll up your window before the man even gets to you. You avert your gaze. He has seen the look on your face several times before on the faces of others. He knows what you feel. The light changes from red to green. No sooner than it does, you are already in the crosswalk, narrowly missing the small child that was crossing the street. Her mother yells at you as you drive off. You simply gesture to her with a one fingered salute.
I take my attention off of you and look at the homeless fellow that was trying to make his way to your car. He had fallen down and seemed to be in some pain. I put on my four-ways, pull the e-brake and get out to help him up. “I wonder if that idiot knows that his tire is flat,” he says as I help him to his feet. I can’t help it. I laugh out loud, almost to the point of tears.
As Ken and I finish our Whoppers and talk over our Cokes, I can’t help but to think about all the times that I have seen you; all of you. Driving around with your “love of God” pasted all over your vehicles. As I take Ken back to the spot that you so hurriedly drove off from, he says, “God bless you, man.” I don’t say anything. He doesn’t need to know that I am an atheist. “Thank you,” I reply.
And THAT’S why you disgust me, you hypocritical bastard.
That’s an inspiring story… it reminds me that I need to check my tire pressure.
Ahem. Yes, those people really do exist, zooming around in their minivans, BMWs, or SUVs, sucking down a mile to the gallon as they cruise a quarter car-length from the vehicle in front of them at 85 miles per hour. In the rain.
Now, granted, I’m in Connecticut, so minivans, BMWs, and SUVs are pretty much the norm. Also, the roads up here are pretty much the Wild West - there’s pretty much no law on the roads anymore as they’ve given up trying to curb the general lawlessness of the highways and byways. So the aggressive driving, weaving, tossing stuff out of the window, that sort of thing is fairly common around here too. Statistically speaking, it’s no surprise that Christians drive the same way, because of the fact that damned near everybody drives that way up here.
But it should be surprising. It should be surprising when that car with the “Atheist? You’d Better Be Right!” sticker runs off before I get the chance to use one of the many arguments against Pascal’s Wager, nearly clipping the line of pedestrians that have the right-of-way on the sidewalk. (Oh, they don’t drive on the sidewalk where you live? Cherish it.) It should be a surprise that the Jesus-love crowd suddenly forget all that biblical morality-tale BS the moment they turn the ignition key. No more watching out for their fellow man, no more spreading peace and love - it’s right into what they call the “cut and thrust” of traffic, but would more aptly be called “kill or be killed” traffic.
This story provides a much more poignant detail: Ken. Dude, seriously, I want you to know this: you’re one of the reasons that I’m not ashamed to say I’m an atheist publicly.
Forget all the arguments about how morality only comes from religion. Forget all that business about how atheism can only lead to degeneracy and mayhem. You can safely forget all those hypothetical arguments now. Our host here is living proof that good morality comes from within the individual, not from the individual’s religion.
Oh, and G.S: Nobody wants the apology of a single believer - even as genuine and heartfelt as that one appeared to be. We don’t want to hear contrition and appeals for mercy. We don’t want to have to weigh our forgiveness. We just want you to stop. Because we already know the pattern: one comes forward to apologize, and the next day, he’s back with the flock, doing the same stuff. The next day, there’ll be another school board somewhere in America that will vote to get rid of all mention of evolution. The next day, there will be a president saying that his god told him to go to war. The next day, there will be someone telling me that I am an immoral sinner bound for hell because of my rejection of her make-believe god.
Don’t apologize. Get them to stop.
Interesting. Most of the religious motorists where I live (Indiana) typically either drive much slower than the speed limit (and in the passing lane usually) or they pass me like Earth was standing still. And I like to speed.
I frightened my wife a while back by pointing out to her the alarmingly high percentage of mini-vans that have at least one of the following (and btw, if it should contain at least the “holy trinity” of these, then immediately get as far away from these haphazard people as you can):
1. The obligatory ‘Jesus bumper-sticker”. It doesn’t matter what it says, just as long as every other motorist can see how humbly you have displayed your faith at 55 mph.
2. The ol’ fish symbol and its many variants. Don’t they know this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius? lol
3. The rosary beads on the rear-view are a local popularity where I’m from. Just substitute a cross or dashboard saint if Catholicism is not your brand.
4. For some reason, we get the “soccerball” sticker here a lot. I’m starting to associate soccer moms with jesus. Is that fair to soccer?
5. A good old American flag magnate (so the sticker don’t peel the paint off the Suburban). Because if you don’t have an American flag during travel, what kind of communist hippy are you?
Of course, now the Indiana license plates have taken the trouble away for you anyway, because we now have an ugly blue plate which proudly declares “One Nation Under God” on it. Thank god it’s only voluntary to get it right now, but who knows when jesus will change his mind and demand we all use it? It certainly is easier to tell who all of the secularists are by looking at their license plates. It makes it easier on me to discriminate at a glance. I’m sure the holy would never do something like that though.
I don’t know why we need all of these constant reminders of gods love for the road when we have so many billboards, businesses and churches that are already reminding us every eighth of a mile anyway. And that is not an exaggeration. This is Fort Wayne “The City of Churches”.
You can’t be serious wi this.
This is a Caracature based upon exagerated features. Not all Christians speed, disobey other traffic laws, drive whilst fublging with Cell Phones, ro flick cigarettes ot the window. In fact,not all Christians smoke.
This is like if I write about Atheist motorists, whi have the usual old ” God is Dead” or ” No gods, no masters” bumper stickers who drive like speed demons, or those who say “Morality wihtout god, not only posisble, but mroe probable” bumper stickers who get road rage.
It proves nothing since its just a gross generalisation.
Christians are by in large the most hypocritcal people on the face of the earth. The above essay really exposes those Bible thumpers for who they really are.
No, Eddie, the above essay doens’t expose anything. It simply makes wild assertions. Not all Christians speed, drink, smoke, ect, and not all Christians are hypocritical.
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Collegiate Christ-Follower said,
March 20, 2008 @ 6:46 pmFirst off, I would just like to apologize to you for all that Christians have done to wrong you and everyone else. I am sorry that I, myself, am guilty of hypocrisy. I am sorry that Christianity is no longer a relationship, but a religion and an institution that has done much harm to many, many people. I apologize for the many misguided Christians that hate and despise homosexuals. I am sorry for all of the crimes against humanity that have been committed by men and women in the name of Christ Jesus ( The Crusades). I apologize to all of those hurt and/or insulted by the cult behind http://www.GodHatesFags.com touting Christ’s name. I am deeply and honestly sorry for this. Please forgive me.
God bless,
G.S.